I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i out mim tonsoeep
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