I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
