I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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