if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
