Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
