I could have mohawked her pubes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
