Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
