Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
