wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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