Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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