i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you.
Bad choice
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