That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
