I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
