I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
