Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
