I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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