the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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