i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
