Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
