Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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