I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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