it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
