Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
