Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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