The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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