pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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