I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
