the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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