All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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