I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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