May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
