im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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