She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We smell like vodka and hangover
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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