All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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