Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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