just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
