If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
