Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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