Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
