theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
