a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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