the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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