i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
