Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
