If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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