i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
