cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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