So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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