Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
