dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
