K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
