so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
